Grace

There are concepts of Christianity that I blindly believe and unfortunately do not take the time to truly conceive them until they directly effect me. Knowing my heart before I can hear it's needs is the particular topic that I want to discuss here. I believe, and have lived God knowing my needs, and desires of my heart long before I am aware of what I should be asking for. This experience at the Shamineau East camp in Inner Mongolia brought this all to light for me. 

I was nervous about leaving Changzhi even though I was very bored and becoming lonely here at times. Still, flying into the unknown again is never a simple task for me. I was in constant prayer to the point of fear when it came to my travels to Hailaer. I was sad about leaving my new friends on my birthday, about being away from constant interaction with my family and friends in America. Now I see that what I was truly sad about was the loneliness that was beginning to creep into my lifestyle here, the melancholy lifestyle I was living while waiting for work to begin. God knows this, he knows what our spirit is actually asking for even though we confuse it for something completely different. Displacement. 

I cannot even begin to describe how beautiful God's miracles have been for me this past month. First of all Inner Mongolia is the most beautifully serene place I have ever seen in my short lived life. Being in that place made me feel so elated. I was flushed clean by the spirit. I finally broke. Those feelings I mentioned in the previous post of starting to feel God break walls in me, those walls shattered and a new me was created in this place. Sometimes I think our hearts become calloused and our spirit may be trapped within these rough, cold walls; but here I became warm again. I wrote, and ran everyday. I prayed, cried, and took every breath slowly just to become apart of this place. These hills that appeared to have Gods finger strokes imbedded into them from the beginning of time. 

Thinking this experience was the right choice as I drove, thinking that was enough of a blessing to fill myself, expecting to need or desire nothing more than this, but I was wrong. This is the part where I emphasize God knowing our hearts and desires before we do. I hadn't realized how desperately I was longing for peer interaction.  That this loss, this adjustment was the thing making me so exhausted mentally and physically. Then I met Ruth.

Instantly when Ruth came into my life I felt at ease. I felt comforted, that I belonged somewhere, and that somewhere was in her company.  It's like God heard both our prayers, then he heard both our hearts and said 'Ok ladies for three weeks I'm going to give you someone to laugh until you cry with, to be sarcastic with, to pray with, to lose your voice from singing really bad pop music with, to run with, to BE with... no strings attached, nothing in return, nothing fake, no effort, just friendship take it and go.' Nothing has come to me so simplistically in my entire life. 

Shamineau became a sanctuary for me. It was so beautiful, I had time to be alone, time to read, time to run, time to be with people with my same sense of humor in person! It was a place of comfort foods, and religious connections. It was a place to fall in love with people who don't even speak the same language as you. Something I needed to learn, true love languages of people. The realization that love infrequently is spoken though words.

I feel that there is more I should say here, more things I should describe but I feel Ive reached the most intimate of this time. I will go back there, and I am am strengthened by my experience. 

I will sing to the Lord all my life, I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. 

-Psalms 104:33