Water

Recently I have spent a lot of time in thought and discussion with the way God effects our lives. Discussions with others about who Christ calls us to be and how we should perceive doctrine. I feel like these moments are the true moments of life. I feel as if in all these instances there have been points where my words have left me and Christ has spoken through me. These moments in silence are where the spirt blows over me like wind.

I spoke recently to someone about how God called me to China. The best way I could find to explain this was water. Sometimes water comes in so slowly, small audibly noticeable drops, or constant streams, floods. Water effects everything, every part through movement, physical change, or any other number of ways. For me China was like a small drop of water, a constant reminder that I was to move for the spirit when the time was ready. Something I was always aware of but had to wait for it to overtake everything before I could release. Years I was effected by this small drip, this acknowledgement of coming change until one day the flood rushed in. No longer was I able to ignore this change, this movement. God flooded in rapidly and effected every part. Maybe this is cliche maybe it's absurd for me to compare a movement that so far has been slightly small to a flood. Maybe the change was me, maybe the flood effected me and brought me here to change me and mold me to prepare me for bigger callings. Possibly not bigger, but different. More difficult moves, more nights alone in foreign places. Difficult explanations to the people I love that I cannot refuse this call and prayers for them to understand something I have no way of accurately describing. This is the most challenging of everything for me now. I have accepted that the Lord may continue to call me to go in his name to every corner of the Earth, or that he has called me to be here in this place in this time for longer than previously anticipated. How can I expect the ones that love me the most to fully understand that movement of heart? I cannot. That is too much to expect for people to hear and feel the water that pours though me. 

Recently John and I did a devotional about this exact thing. "God providentially weaves the threads of His call through our lives, and only we can distinguish them. It is the threading of God's voice directly to us over a certain concern, and it is useless to seek another person's opinion of it." - Chambers. 

"But when God, called me by his grace, I did not consult any man." -Gal. 1:15-16 

It is all in a higher plan that we must follow and it some instances means that we must disregard the emotional connections we have to this world.